joke of the day

[golfshooter]

Bob wearily trudged into his house and laid down his bag of golf clubs. "How was your game, darling" asked his wife, Jane. "I was hitting the ball ok, but my eyesight's gotten so damn bad I couldn't see where the ball went.' shrugged Bob.

"Well, you're 75 years old," said Jane. "You can't expect everything to be like it was. Why don't you take my brother Jimmy along" "But he's 85 and he doesn't even play golf any more" protested Bob. "But he's got perfect eyesight," Jane pointed out. ﾓhe can watch the ball for you."

So the next day Bob teed off with Jimmy looking on. He swung and the ball disappeared down the middle of the fairway. "Do you see it, do you see it" asked Bob in anticipation. "Yep!" Jimmy answered. "Well where is it" exclaimed Bob, peering off into the distance.

"I forgot," said Jimmy.

[BrianW]

Re: joke of the day

Good One Peter.

An old guy is sitting at the clubhouse bar crying into his beer.

The Barman asks him "what's the matter"

He replies " I married a 26 year old beautiful girl a month ago, she is fantactic in bed, she is a great cook, keeps the house and garden tidy and caters to my ever need"

The Barman asks "Well, why the heck are you crying man ?"

The old guy replies " I cant remember where I live"

[golfshooter]

Re: joke of the day

Breaking wind ,offensive to some hilarious to others!

This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for
years. The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of f**ting loudly every morning when he awoke.
The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.
Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop
and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a
doctor. She was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out.
The years went by and he continued to rip them out! Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her.
She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled
back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.
Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and
the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom.
The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor
laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good.
About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his
bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face.
She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter. He said, "Honey, you were right. All these years you have warned me
and I didn't listen to you.
"What do you mean?" asked his wife.
"Well, you always told me that one day I would end up f**ting my guts out, and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God, some Vaseline, and these two fingers, I think I got most of them back in.