Golf jokes.

[leebev]

If you've hacked your way around the golf course all day, and your feeling a bit low wondering why you ever took up the game in the first place, then maybe a few jokes will cheer you up. Here is a great link that will have you quietly giggling to yourself.

http://www.golfjokes.co.uk/

From the site: -

Agreement to Re-tee

If all of the members of a playing group hit truly horrendous drives from the tee of the same hole, they may unanimously agree to replay their shots without assessing any strokes or incurring any penalties, but the determination to participate in a joint and several re-tee must not be taken lightly, and the shots that precipitated the decision must be so abominable as to constitute an actual catastrophe, making continued play of the hole a burdensome, time-consuming, or fruitless exercise. However, under no circumstances may this exception be invoked for the purpose of improving upon mediocre but playable shots, or of endeavouring to obtain by repetition a favourable outcome that could not be achieved through skill alone.

Cheers.
Lee.

[gord962]

Re: Golf jokes.

Here is my joke page on my website: http://members.shaw.ca/gord962/jokes.htm

One of my favorites:

Once the club duffer challenged the local golf pro to a match, with a $100 bet on the side. "But," said the duffer, "since you're obviously much better than I, to even it a bit you have to spot me two 'gotchas'."

The golf pro didn't know what a 'gotcha' was, but he went along with it. And off they went.

Coming back to the 19th hole, the rest of the club members were amazed to see the golf pro paying the duffer $100.

"What happened?" asked one of the members.

"Well," said the pro, "I was teeing up for the first hole, and as I brought the club down, that jerk stuck his hand between my legs and grabbed my crotch and yelled 'Gotcha!'

"Have you ever tried to play 18 holes of golf waiting for the second 'gotcha'?"

[leebev]

Re: Golf jokes.

Very good, If we keep this thread up, we'll be providing giggles all round. Here is another : -

A hole behind

A man went to a strange town to be the guest speaker at a business meeting. When he arrived at his Motel, he found he had a lot of time before the meeting so he got the directions for a nearby golf course from the clerk.

While playing on the front nine, he thought over his impending speech and became confused as to where he was on the course. Looking around, he saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her, explained the situation and asked her if she knew what hole he was playing. She replied, "I'm on the 7th hole and you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole."

He thanked her and went back to his golf.

On the back nine the same thing happened and he approached her again with the same request. She said, "I'm on the 14th, you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 13th."

Once again he thanked her and returned to his play. He finished his round and went into the club house where he saw the lady sitting at the end of the bar. He asked the bartender if he knew the lady. The bartender said that she was a sales lady and played the course often. He approached her and said, "Let me buy you a drink in appreciation for your help. I understand you are in the sales profession. I'm in sales also. What do you sell?"

She replied, "If I told you, you would only laugh."

"No I wouldn't."

"Well if you must know", she answered, "I sell sanitary towels."

She said, "See I knew you would laugh."

"That's not what I'm laughing at" he replied, "I'm a toilet paper salesman, so I'm still a hole behind you!"

Cheers.

Lee.

[aftford]

Re: Golf jokes.

I've just killed my wife

I've just killed my wife," cried the hysterical golfer rushing into the clubhouse. "I didn't see her. She was behind me you see," he sobbed, "and I started my back swing and clipped her right between the eyes. She must have died on the instant."
"What club were you using?" asked a concerned bystander.
"Oh, the No. 2 iron."
"Oh, oh," murmured the other, "that's the club that always gets me into trouble too."

[bdbl]

Re: Golf jokes.

Not a golf joke at all but some one just sent me this and it amused me...


Man walks into the bedroom with a sheep under his arm. "This is the pig I make love to whenever you`ve got a headache" he says.

"I think you`ll find thats a sheep" says his missus.


"I think you`ll find I'm talking to the sheep" he responds.

[killer]

Re: Golf jokes.

Not a golf joke at all but some one just sent me this and it amused me...


Man walks into the bedroom with a sheep under his arm. "This is the pig I make love to whenever you`ve got a headache" he says.

"I think you`ll find thats a sheep" says his missus.


"I think you`ll find I'm talking to the sheep" he responds.

pure class

[killer]

Re: Golf jokes.

out golfing one day me ball goes in a bunker, Iwent over to play the ball only to find near me ball was a broken bottle and a Genie,
"oh master he cried you have released me from the bottle for I have been in here for a thousand years, to repay you I will grant you three wishes, but remember what ever I grant you, your wife will receive double, so be carefull "

"well I wouldnt mind a million£ in the bank"
"granted" the genie replied "but remember your wife will have x2million£"

"can I have abig big house in the countryside"
"again your wife will receive one twice as big.

be carefull with your last wish."

ermm I stood there thinking for a while , then I said to the Genie

"could I have a mild heart attack." yeha

[LowPost42]

Re: Golf jokes.

out golfing one day me ball goes in a bunker, Iwent over to play the ball only to find near me ball was a broken bottle and a Genie,
"oh master he cried you have released me from the bottle for I have been in here for a thousand years, to repay you I will grant you three wishes, but remember what ever I grant you, your wife will receive double, so be carefull "

"well I wouldnt mind a million£ in the bank"
"granted" the genie replied "but remember your wife will have x2million£"

"can I have abig big house in the countryside"
"again your wife will receive one twice as big.

be carefull with your last wish."

ermm I stood there thinking for a while , then I said to the Genie

"could I have a mild heart attack." yeha

I've heard this one reworked as 'could you scare me half to death'.

[Welshie]

Re: Golf jokes.

Here goes

A voice came over the clubhouse loud speaker system

" Can the gentleman on the ladies tees please use the correct tee box"

The guy looks up and then returns to hit is ball

again a voice from the system firmly says " Would the gentleman on the ladies Tee box return to the correct Tee box

The guy again looks up and Shouts " would the guy on the speaker system allow me to take my second shot!!"


(guess most of us have been there)


regards


anthony