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  • Cows

    Guess who's having trouble concentrating on work today Anyway this is old but its still raises a smile I hope.

    Political & Economic Models explained with Cows

    As a Socialist you have 2 cows and you give one to your neighbour.

    As a Communist you have 2 cows and the State takes both and gives you some milk.

    As a Traditional Capitalist you have two cows, you sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies; you sell it and retire on the income.

    As an Enron Style Capitalist you have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. Your auditors then shred the cows

    National Stereotypes as explained by cows.

    America
    You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

    France.
    You have two cows. You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

    Japan.
    You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow but produce twenty times the milk.

    Germany
    You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

    Italy
    You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have lunch.

    Switzerland
    You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you and you charge the owners for storing them.

    Britain
    You have two cows. Both are mad.

    New Zealand
    You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

    Australia.
    You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive.

  • #2
    Re: Cows

    That's very good Robin!

    If you are Welsh you forget about the cows and get interested in the milking machine. Well! all that suction and vibration and you don't have to cuddle it afterwards.

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    • #3
      Re: Cows

      Loved it all but particularly the Italian

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      • #4
        Re: Cows

        what a load of bullocks!

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Cows

          Originally posted by slater170 View Post
          what a load of bullocks!
          Gadzooks and damn you Sir; I was hoping for praise so that I could milk the applause.

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          • #6
            Re: Cows

            Originally posted by bdbl View Post
            Gadzooks and damn you Sir; I was hoping for praise so that I could milk the applause.
            maybe you will get applause from the udders!

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Cows

              I was talking with a local Farmer down the pub last week. He said he was milking a cow the other day and the cow started kicking him with his rear right leg, he took a piece of rope and tied the leg to the side of the bay. The cow then kicked him with his left leg so he tied the left leg to the left side of the bay. The cow then flicked him with her tail so he tied the tail to an overhead beam. The Farmer then had the call of nature and had a pee down one of the floor drains, as he was putting his member away his wife walked in and he said if I could convince his wife he was not going to Rodger the cow he would give me a lifetime supply of free milk.

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              • #8
                Re: Cows

                You know I was in two minds when I did the OP; I feared that we'd get all these silly add ons.

                To post or not post that was the question; I was definitely on the horns of a dilemma.

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                • #9
                  Re: Cows

                  OK Robin! I herd you, if you want to hoof me off the thread then I won't churn it over too much. Take Slats, dairy make another reply since you have pat it that way, you do seem in a funny moood. That's all I cud think up!
                  Last edited by BrianW; 10-31-2007, 11:39 AM.

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                  • #10
                    Re: Cows

                    Been out on a little golf day, tell you what though I'm glad the weather has picked up, last week I was absolutely fresian.

                    On the subject of golf rather than cows I hit an 89 for the afternoon round. Since my PB is 86 I was quite pleased with that for a round in November especially since my new driving (3)skills refused to come out to play.

                    I was wondering how you more experienced golfers found the difference between summer & winter play and scores. I seem to have lost at least a club through the air and am getting naff all roll which since I'm not a long hitter in the first place is a bit of a pain.

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                    • #11
                      Re: Cows

                      Originally posted by bdbl View Post
                      Been out on a little golf day, tell you what though I'm glad the weather has picked up, last week I was absolutely fresian.

                      On the subject of golf rather than cows I hit an 89 for the afternoon round. Since my PB is 86 I was quite pleased with that for a round in November especially since my new driving (3)skills refused to come out to play.

                      I was wondering how you more experienced golfers found the difference between summer & winter play and scores. I seem to have lost at least a club through the air and am getting naff all roll which since I'm not a long hitter in the first place is a bit of a pain.
                      Just off your personal beast, good knock.

                      I do need to re-evaluate club usage as winter sets in but winter rules are a help with getting a reasonable ball placement. The plugged shots do shorten distance but I find the wetter greens that hold the ball offset that a bit. The fairways at my club drain very well so it's not so bad, I have played some of my best golf in winter conditions.

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                      • #12
                        Re: Cows

                        I wonder if better golf comes in winter as expectations are lower, therefore 'trying' is reduced. Perhaps we're in a better mental place in the winter.

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                        • #13
                          Re: Cows

                          Down here, as Summer rolls in, the ground gets harder and the ball rolls further, meaning shorter irons in to greens.

                          Notionally you'd think we'd score better, but, I'm with LP here me thinks.

                          We "try" to hit it further because we "think" we "should".....

                          Then it becomes...........

                          Down here, as Summer rolls in, the ground gets harder and the ball rolls further into the rough, meaning more pain trying to find your way back to the fairway before even considering there is a green at the other end of the hole you are currently trying to negotiate....

                          Think during this weeks round I'm going to try not to think at all......

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                          • #14
                            Re: Cows

                            This reminds me of some discussions we have on this site

                            A lady and her traveling companion were riding in the train when she noticed some cows.

                            "What a cute bunch of cows!" she remarked.
                            "Not a bunch, herd", her friend replied.
                            "Heard of what?"
                            "Herd of cows."
                            "Of course I've heard of cows."
                            "No, a cow herd."
                            "What do I care what a cow heard. I have no secrets to keep from a cow!"

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