Strangely Addictive

[bdbl]

Re: Strangely Addictive

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him what?
A super callused fragile mystic plagued with halitosis.

Hmmm just as I foretold, just early.

Looking forward to more advice, support, friendly conversation and rubbish jokes next year.
Robin

Another one for you all...

Prince Charles decided to take up jogging.

Every day, he'd jog past a hooker standing on the same street corner.
He learned to brace himself as he approached her for what was almost certain to follow.

"One hundred and fifty pounds!" she'd shout from the curb.
"No! Five pounds!" He would fire back, just to shut her up.

This ritual between him and the hooker became a daily occurrence.
He'd run by and she'd yell, "One hundred and fifty pounds!"
He'd yell back, "Five pounds!"

One day, Camilla decided that she wanted to accompany her husband on his jog.

As the jogging couple neared the working woman's street corner, Prince Charles realised she'd bark her £150 offer and Camilla would wonder what he'd really been doing on all his past outings.
He figured he'd better have a good explanation for his wife.

As they jogged into the turn that would take them past the corner, he became even more apprehensive than usual.
Sure enough, there was the hooker.

He tried to avoid the prostitute's eyes as she watched the pair jog past.

Then, from her corner, the hooker yelled, "See what you get for five pounds, you tight bastard?!"

[BrianW]

Re: Strangely Addictive

Hmmm just as I foretold, just early.

LOL, Hey Robin! This is quality stuff, though It's like casting pearls before swine at times

[qassim]

Re: Strangely Addictive

Went to my local butcher to do some last minute christmas shopping.

I said ' Have you got a sheeps head?'

'No, it's just the way I part my hair' he replied

I then saw some meat that was on the very top shelf, so I said to the butcher 'I bet you £100 you can't reach the meat that's on the top shelf'.

'I'm not taking that bet' he replied 'The steaks are too high!'

[BrianW]

Re: Strangely Addictive

Neil,

A few more of my select one liners:

Save the whales. Collect the whole set.

I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving isn't for you.

I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.

Honk if you love peace and quiet.

Remember half the people you know are below average.

Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?

Nothing is foolproof to a talented fool.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

I intend to live forever - so far so good.

Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.

Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks

No one is listening until you make a mistake.

Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.

The colder the x-ray table the more of your body is required on it.

The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.

Two wrongs are only the beginning.

The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up.

Change is inevitable except from vending machines.

Get a new car for your spouse - it'll be a great trade!

Plan to be spontaneous - tomorrow.

If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand.

If the speed of light is 186,000 miles/sec., what's the speed of darkness?

Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic"?

Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you.

Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.