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  • #1

    Moan moan moan

    This is just a moan off really. Could you guess by the title?

    Firstly, our clubhouse burned down at the weekend. OK, we'll get a spangly new one out of the insurance, but that's not gonna be ready for months.

    Many members' equipment was in the changing rooms and it's just a generally bad sight when you roll up in the car park and can see people putting on the practice green through the building remains. Add to that the fact that the smouldering remains can be wiffed all around the course.

    Electrical fault is to blame. Bum.

    My second moan-off is to do with the stuck up, bored (generally over 60 years of age) idiot members of golf clubs in the UK that seem to make up 60% of a clubs membership who apparently have such a boring life that they have to pick up on absolutely everything that everyone is doing all the time that might be a little out of the ordinary.
    1. Some time ago I was chipping on our 18th green at almost dark. Nobody was on the course. Our chipping green looked like it had been cut by a goat. So I went to chip a few balls on a proper green. Next thing I know fuddy-duddy no.1 has come out and told me to stop chipping on the green. When I asked why he didn't have a reasonable answer and could only tell me I'd "damage the green", but he stood there until I stopped anyway just ranting boring 60-something random BS at me. I was chipping. Making no pitch marks, no divots. When I asked him if EVER, during a casual round on the course, he'd fat-dumped a shot and dropped another just for practice, he avoided the question! Because he knew he had, knew he'd have taken 2 divots in the same place and caused more damaged to the course than I'd have caused in 4 hours chipping. Pratt.
    2. More recently I had finished a very good finals match and was walking back to the (then intact) clubhouse. There was me, the match referee, my opponent and opponents caddie. Old git no.2 stops us and asks us in a stern voice why 4 players had been using only 2 sets of golf clubs. Before I could say "piss off you stupid old bassturd" the refereee put him straight.
    3. Last week me and a mate were playing a casual game. There was nobody around at all (midweek) and we strictly should have gone off the 10th, but we went off the first otherwise we'd have caught up the various ladies 4-ball matches completing their back nines and, as I say, other than the ladies the course was dead. No sooner had we teed off, our assistant pro comes running up to us saying that idiot member no.3 had complained to our club secretary (who was in the middle of a meeting at the time) that we had gone off the front. GET A LIFE!
    4. I was chipping in the newly designated chipping area which allows us to chip onto the putting green at one end. Old fuddy duddy no.4 decided he'd watch me with purpose for a bit. I knew what he was doing so I didn't even blink to acknowledge he was there. After a few minutes he said in a tongue-in-cheek manner "I hope you're going ot replace your divots". When I just looked at him and carried on he went into the adjacent pro shop and started moaning that I was chipping onto the putting green. OPEN YOUR FRIGGIN EYES GRANDAD! IT SAYS "CHIPPING AREA" NEXT TO MY FEET.
    Why oh why can't these old timers find something else to do with their lives other than piss off other people who are hardly going to cause the end of the earth by their actions. GET A FRIGGIN LIFE AND LEAVE ME ALONE! YOU SPOIL MY DAY EVERY TIME, AND FOR NO GOOD REASON!

    AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AHHH!

    Tags: None
  • #2
    Re: Moan moan moan

    I hear ya fella. You will be glad to know they are at most private courses. Just be glad your a member, imagine your treatment if you were a visitor!

    These guys have probably been members of these clubs before you were born.

    I suspect like most clubs these days yours is trying to modernise their way of thinking to keep up membership and encourage new members, but said fuddy duddies do not like change and folks not abiding by their 50 year old rules.

    There is probably a hint of jealousy as well as their best golfing days are past them.

    In saying that I can't tarnish them all with the same brush, I played a medal a few weeks ago and just put my name down with a few randoms on the list I did not know.

    Turns out it was 2 auld codgers, so I thought the worst. But they actually turned out to be a really good laugh, and were playing the game as it should be for fun. One of them had been a member of the club for 40 years as well so I was really surprised at his laid back attitude.

    Comment

    • #3
      Re: Moan moan moan

      Neil,

      Tell 'em to hit the frog and toad. Those cunny ol funts need to get a life.

      One is allowed to practice on the course (no more than 2 balls). Don't know if this is a rule or not. That is what it is like at our club.

      Can you tell em to shove their membership where the sun don't shine and join another club.

      These ol blokes obviously need a good r o o t......!!!!!!

      VP

      Comment

      • #4
        Re: Moan moan moan

        Ozzie rhyming slang! Love it! Cunny ol' funts?! Blimey! I managed to refrain from putting "O.C's" in my post! I like your style!

        Not too sure what a root is though?!

        Comment

        • #5
          Re: Moan moan moan

          Originally posted by Neil18 View Post
          Not too sure what a root is though?!

          A screw.
          A lay.
          A roll in the hay.
          To bed down.
          To know biblically.
          To do the horizontal mambo.

          Or, if you prefer, sexual relations. (But not with that woman).

          Comment

          • #6
            Re: Moan moan moan

            Gulp! I seem to qualify by age for a holder of the Acient and Notorious Order of O.C's and I am partial to a good old "Root" now and again (Well only if the day has a "Y" in it and have remembered to take the pills).


            As a former Grand Niblik of my club and chairman of the divot and pitch mark commitee, I am entitled to three (rising to four in 2010) obnoxious'isms to younger members per day and have been on the advanced dress-code police course, thus entitling me to carry a special sock height measuring gauge that I brandish with a flourish at every opportunity.

            Oh! and while I am at it, can young golfers stop doing that thing that annoys me and I have forgotten what it is .
            Last edited by BrianW; 10-19-2008, 06:27 PM.

            Comment

            • #7
              Re: Moan moan moan

              Originally posted by BrianW View Post
              Gulp! I seem to qualify by age for a holder of the Acient and Notorious Order of O.C's and I am partial to a good old "Root" now and again (Well only if the day has a "Y" in it and have remembered to take the pills).

              As a former Grand Niblik of my club I am entitled to three (rising to four in 2010) obnoxious'isms to younger members per day and have been on the advanced dress code police course, thus entitling me to carry a special sock height measuring gauge that I brandish with a flourish at ever opportunity.

              Oh! and while I am at it, can young golfers stop doing that thing that annoys me and they know I have forgotten what it is .
              You are pure class Bri.

              Comment

              • #8
                Re: Moan moan moan

                next time an old codger starts ranting about things your doing, ask for his name and see if he is man enough to give it to you.

                then ask him where it says in the rule book that what your doing is against the club rules.

                finally, tell him to piss off and leave you alone, go back to his poker machine, unless he would like to help you with coaching.

                Comment

                • #9
                  Re: Moan moan moan

                  I'm glad I'm not the only one that feels strongly about this!

                  Comment

                  • #10
                    Re: Moan moan moan

                    I have no doubt that many clubs are missing out on juniors because of these female sex organs (another one for you neil).

                    We have a similar problem at our club with some of the older brigade. They gotta realise that times have changed, no longer are we living in the 18th century and need to learn to move on.

                    I reckon it is the only place they feel some power of sorts.

                    VP

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