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  • #1

    humour

    Four old men went into the pro shop after playing 18 holes of golf. The pro asked, "Did you guys have a good game today?"

    The first old guy said, "Yes, I had three riders today." The second old guy said, "I had the most riders ever. I had five." The third old guy said, "I had 7 riders, the same as last time."

    The last old man said, "I beat my old record. I had 12 riders today."

    After they went into the locker room, another golfer who had heard the old guys talking about their game went to the pro and said, "I have been playing golf for a long time and thought I knew all the terminology of the game, but what's a rider?"

    The pro said, "A rider is when you hit the ball far enough to get in the golf cart and ride to it."
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  • #2
    Re: humour

    Good one Ted

    A golfer rings the emergency services and says they need an ambulance at the golf course. He explains he has driven a ball that hit a woman and knocked her out cold. The operator asks where he hit her? He replies "Between the first and second hole" The operator replies "Not much room for a bandage then?"

    Comment

    • #3
      Re: humour

      Very funny......what about this......

      Brenda and Steve took their six-year-old son to the doctor.

      With some hesitation, they explained that although their little angel appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small penis.

      After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, 'Just feed him pancakes. That should solve the problem.'

      The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large stack of warm pancakes in the middle of the table.

      'Gee, Mom,' he exclaimed. 'For me?'

      'Just take two,' Brenda replied. 'The rest are for your father.'

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      • #4
        Re: humour

        lol.

        good one vp.

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        • #5
          Re: humour

          Here's an important public health declaration.


          As Ben Franklin said: In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is
          freedom, in water there is bacteria.

          In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. coli) - bacteria found in feces.. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop.

          However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking beer and wine (or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor) because these have to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.

          Remember: Water = Poop, Beer/Wine = Health.

          Therefore, it's better to drink beer and wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of sh*t.
          Last edited by GregJWillis; 11-11-2008, 09:24 PM.

          Comment

          • #6
            Re: humour

            Originally posted by rotator View Post
            here's an important public health declaration.


            as ben franklin said: In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is
            freedom, in water there is bacteria.

            In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of escherichia coli, (e. Coli) - bacteria found in feces.. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop.

            However, we do not run that risk when drinking beer and wine (or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor) because these have to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.

            Remember: Water = poop, beer/wine = health.

            Therefore, it's better to drink beer and wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of sh*t.
            What wisdom:
            Last edited by BrianW; 11-11-2008, 11:19 PM.

            Comment

            • #7
              Re: humour

              This is a bit long, but it's pretty funny. It could be you when get old.

              I Love Jesus, But I drink a Bit

              http://www.boreme.com/boreme/funny-2...y-p1.php?emf=1

              Comment

              • #8
                Re: humour

                No Sex Since 1955

                A crusty old Army Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event
                hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of
                extremely young idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom
                approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.

                'Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious
                man. Is something bothering you?'

                'Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature.'

                The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said,
                'It looks like you have seen a lot of action.'

                'Yes, ma'am, a lot of action.'

                The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said,
                'You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself.'

                The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner. Finally the
                young lady said, 'You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way,
                but when is the last time you had sex?'
                '1955, ma'am.'

                'Well, there you are. No wonder you're so serious. You really need to chill out!
                I mean, no sex since 1955! She took his hand and led him to a private room
                where she proceeded to 'relax' him several times.

                Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said,
                'Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955.'

                The Sergeant Major said in his serious voice,
                after glancing at his watch, 'I hope not; it's only 2130 now.'
                (Gotta love military time)

                Comment

                • #9
                  Re: humour

                  Originally posted by Curtmay View Post
                  No Sex Since 1955

                  A crusty old Army Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event
                  hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of
                  extremely young idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom
                  approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.

                  'Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious
                  man. Is something bothering you?'

                  'Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature.'

                  The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said,
                  'It looks like you have seen a lot of action.'

                  'Yes, ma'am, a lot of action.'

                  The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said,
                  'You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself.'

                  The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner. Finally the
                  young lady said, 'You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way,
                  but when is the last time you had sex?'
                  '1955, ma'am.'

                  'Well, there you are. No wonder you're so serious. You really need to chill out!
                  I mean, no sex since 1955! She took his hand and led him to a private room
                  where she proceeded to 'relax' him several times.

                  Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said,
                  'Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955.'

                  The Sergeant Major said in his serious voice,
                  after glancing at his watch, 'I hope not; it's only 2130 now.'
                  (Gotta love military time)
                  I like it

                  Comment

                  • #10
                    Re: humour

                    Originally Posted by Curtmay
                    No Sex Since 1955



                    Thanks, I've been chuckling all day.

                    Ted

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