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1. Eighteen holes of match play will teach you more about your foe than 18 years of dealing with him across a desk.
~ Grantland Rice
2. Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.
~ John Updike
3. It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place the world is when one is playing golf.
~ Robert Lynd
4. If profanity had any influence on the flight of the ball, the game of golf would be played far better than it is.
~ Horace G. Hutchinson
5. They say golf is like life, but don't believe them. Golf is more complicated than that.
~ Gardner Dickinson
6. If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork as poorly as they do a golf club, they'd starve to death.
~ Sam Snead
7. Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness.
~ William Wordsworth
8. If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt.
~ Dean Martin
9. If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you don't have to waste energy going back to pick it up.
~ Tommy Bolt
10. Man blames fate for all other accidents, but feels personally responsible when he makes a hole-in-one.
~ Bishop Sheen
11. I don't say my golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced.
~ Arnold Palmer
12. My handicap? Woods and irons.
~ Chris Codiroli
13. The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody would put a flag stick on top.
~ Pete Dye
14. I'm hitting the woods just great, but having a terrible time getting out of them!
~ Buddy Hackett
15. The only time my prayers are never answered is playing golf.
~ Billy Graham
16. If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.
~ Jack Lemmon
17. It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.
~ Mark Twain
18. Don't play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty.
~ Harry Vardon
19. Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at either of them.
~ Jimmy Demaret
20. May thy ball lie in green pastures, and not in still waters.
~ Ben Hogan
21. If I hit it right, it's a slice. If I hit it left, it's a hook. If I hit it straight, it's a miracle.
~ All Us Hackers
22. The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie.
~ George Deukmejian
AND FINALLY...............
23. Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe.
~ Lee Trevino
~ Grantland Rice
2. Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.
~ John Updike
3. It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place the world is when one is playing golf.
~ Robert Lynd
4. If profanity had any influence on the flight of the ball, the game of golf would be played far better than it is.
~ Horace G. Hutchinson
5. They say golf is like life, but don't believe them. Golf is more complicated than that.
~ Gardner Dickinson
6. If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork as poorly as they do a golf club, they'd starve to death.
~ Sam Snead
7. Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness.
~ William Wordsworth
8. If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt.
~ Dean Martin
9. If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you don't have to waste energy going back to pick it up.
~ Tommy Bolt
10. Man blames fate for all other accidents, but feels personally responsible when he makes a hole-in-one.
~ Bishop Sheen
11. I don't say my golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced.
~ Arnold Palmer
12. My handicap? Woods and irons.
~ Chris Codiroli
13. The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody would put a flag stick on top.
~ Pete Dye
14. I'm hitting the woods just great, but having a terrible time getting out of them!
~ Buddy Hackett
15. The only time my prayers are never answered is playing golf.
~ Billy Graham
16. If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.
~ Jack Lemmon
17. It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.
~ Mark Twain
18. Don't play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty.
~ Harry Vardon
19. Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at either of them.
~ Jimmy Demaret
20. May thy ball lie in green pastures, and not in still waters.
~ Ben Hogan
21. If I hit it right, it's a slice. If I hit it left, it's a hook. If I hit it straight, it's a miracle.
~ All Us Hackers
22. The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie.
~ George Deukmejian
AND FINALLY...............
23. Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe.
~ Lee Trevino
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