dear marge

[TeachingPro]

Re: dear marge

[i was diagnosed as schizophrenic although im in two minds about that[/quote]

Do you have 2 handicaps??

In about 1990, I played with a guy by the name of John Adams quite regularly. His driver was right handed, fairway woods were left handed. His irons were right-handed and his putter was a blade so he could putt either side, depending on the break. He was scary good but didn't really play much after he started working for an equipment company.

[BrianW]

Re: dear marge

i was diagnosed as schizophrenic although im in two minds about that

I used to be very uncertain about things, Now I am not so sure!

[bdbl]

Re: dear marge

I used to be very uncertain about things, Now I am not so sure!

I went to to the Doctor the other day to seek treatment for my paranoia; he told me not to worry, I wasn't ill - but unfortunately every one was out to get me.

[BrianW]

Re: dear marge

Last week a mate of mine was cleaning the curtains with a vacuum cleaner while stood on a chair, he slipped and fell off the chair and the tube of the vacuum lodged it's self deep where the sun don't shine. The paramedics thought it too dangerous to remove the tube so took him to hospital with it still attached.

I called in the evening to ask how he was. The person on the phone put me on hold while they checked. After 5 minutes they came back and said "He seems to be picking up quite nicely now"

[bdbl]

Re: dear marge

The night I was sitting at the bar of my local when a young lady came in and asked for a double entendre. So the barman gave her one.

[slater170]

Re: dear marge

i was watching a magic show last week when the magician asked for volunteers. a couple and their son got up on stage where the magician turned them into a 3 piece suite, trouble is he couldnt turn them back again.
they were carted off to hospital


he called the hospital the next morning to ask how they were. The nurse on the phone put him on hold while she checked. After 5 minutes she came back and said "they are comfortable"

[BrianW]

Re: dear marge

A mate of mine breeds pigs, he went to the vet and explained that the boar had lost his libido and was not servicing the sows. The vet took a jar from his cabinet and emptied 7 tablets into an envelope, he then explained that the boar should only have one a day for a week as he will start servicing the sows with a vengeance but too many may overwork him.

My mate returned to the vet three days later asking for some more tablets for the boar, the Vet said "I told you not to give him too many" My mate explained that he had dropped the envelope and lost some.

The Vet said "OK then" went to his cabinet, prodded around with the jars then asked my mate "Can you remember the name of those pills" My mate replied "No but they taste of aniseed"

[qassim]

Re: dear marge

I went to the pet shop yesterday to buy a gold fish.

The shopkeeper asked me if I wanted an aquarium. I told him I don't give a sh*t what star-sign it is.

[bdbl]

Re: dear marge

I think was in the same pet shop when this little girl came in.

Aged about 8, adorable, golden curls and blue eyes.

"Please" she said with a slight lisp "may I have a little wabbit"

"What kind?" asked the pet shop owner "we have fluffy white rabbits and cute little black rabbits"

"Oh" said the little girl " I don't think the python weally gives a phuck"

[BrianW]

Re: dear marge

A guy down the pub tried to sell me 8 vension legs for 60 Pounds last night.

Was that two deer?

[bdbl]

Re: dear marge

Same guy tried to sell me a budgie; saif it was going cheep.

[BrianW]

Re: dear marge

NEWS FLASH!

Motorway Police found a man on the hard shoulder kicking the side of his van. When asked why he was doing it he said "I have two tons of budgies in there and only a one ton van, I cant allow them all to be sitting at the same time"

[slater170]

Re: dear marge

guy goes to the doctors and says " doc i cant stop having sex with animals"
the doc says " thats disgusting, how low can you get?"
the guys says " give me a chihuahua and ill show you"

[bdbl]

Re: dear marge

All joking apart I used to work in a pet shop; one day this dear old lady came in and bought a budgie.

The next day she came back complaining that the budgie wasn’t talking so I suggested that she bought it some toys, which she did.

Next day though she was back because the budgie still wouldn’t talk so I sold her a mirror to put in the cage.

This went on for two weeks and to be honest I sold her quite lot before she returned to tell me that the budgie was dead. I was puzzled because it was a young bird and as I sympathised the old lady told me with a smile that at least she thought it spoke before it died.

Of course I asked what.

Well she said, as it lay on the bottom the cage I am sure it cried “food, food, give me some food”

[BrianW]

Re: dear marge

Dear Marge,

When I was younger I could not bend my member at all, now I can bend it quite a lot.

My question is "Am I getting stronger"